Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:00 Well, good morning village church East. It is good to see you. Good morning. Welcome to all of you who are in house and all of you that are home. Uh, welcome to you as well. Privileged to bring the word of God to you this morning. Uh, my Mike's on right are good. Everybody hear me? I hope. Okay. Good. Which is, which is great. I don't need to hear myself as long as you can hear me. That's fine. Um, I want to welcome you to our service today and tell you that I'm very, very excited because of what Kathy announced earlier today, that is in two weeks, we're going to be having our anniversary Sunday. We're going to decorate this room big. Uh, we have some big things planned, but because of COVID late, it's like, everything is kind of last minute for us these days.
Speaker 0 00:00:38 So we're trying to put these big things together and stay within the guidelines that we have. And, uh, so I want to thank Renee personally, Renee Gutierrez has been heading this up with her team of wonderful servants and we have a big day planned for you. So I would encourage you if you're home, you will definitely, definitely want to be here. If you're kind of in the mood to, to stretch a little bit, uh, we are going to be doing some very cool things in house that you will definitely not want to miss. And, uh, so anyway, that's my encouragement to you. Uh, my name is Craig Jarvis. I'm the lead pastor here at village church East. And it's my privilege to be able to open God's word with you today. I want to start by telling you a story. You love stories, right? So here's a story that is very embarrassing to me.
Speaker 0 00:01:19 You will hold this against me for the rest of my life, because there's already one person in here that does. And so you'll figure out who you are in just a moment. I was a youth pastor for 10 years before I started serving in a senior pastor role. When I was a youth pastor, I would have kids around all the time. I am really pleased to say one of those kids that always hung around with Michael Pearson and he is a part of our church even today. Uh, and I'm excited that, uh, he has a family now and he's, and I've seen him grow. And he was as this scrawny twig of a guy that was growing up. We used to live together and we hung out a lot together. Anyway, Michael came to our house one day and we were having a gift exchange. And Michael gave us this wonderful gift, this little angel doll.
Speaker 0 00:02:04 It was a little, little angel statue. And, uh, and I opened it and Beth and I were like, Oh, thank you, Michael. It's so nice. And it was from this teenager and it meant a lot to us, but we just didn't have anywhere that we, you know, we wanted to put it in. So we ended up putting in a different places around the house. You know what that's like when you, when you kind of put stuff around the house, it gets moved around a little bit. And after a while, after a couple of years, we S we started not having a place for it anymore. And so we ended up putting it in storage. I know that's, that's bad. I know, but we, we just ended up not having a place where we could put it and it ended up in storage. And so, uh, anyway, little time went by and then we had our Christmas gift exchange, white elephant gift, and like everybody who does white elephant gifts, I went around the house and looked for some things that we don't use anymore.
Speaker 0 00:02:48 So I went into the crawl space, went downstairs, dug through some stuff. And I came across this little angel statue. And I thought we don't use that anymore. It's kinda, it's not, it's, it's a nice gift that somebody, somebody is going to take this home. So I wrapped it up and took it upstairs. And we had all the people over that night for our white elephant gift. If you don't know what a white elephant gift is, exchanges, you, you exchange gifts. And some of them are like, like a silly gifts. Some of them are just bad gifts. Some of them are good gifts, but then you start stealing from each other, but ultimately you have a price limit. And you know, and so you just wrap stuff up and put under the tree. So we had everybody
Speaker 1 00:03:23 For our white elephant exchange and Michael was there with them. And so,
Speaker 0 00:03:28 So we started opening gifts and one person, I don't remember who it was, but one person opened the little angel statue. And I looked at Michael and his face fell. I thought to myself, I don't know that's about it. I totally totally forgot where we got this angel from. It had sat in the crawl space first for so many years that I totally forgot about it. So he opened the Angela and Michael to his credit. Didn't say anything about it until afterwards. And then he came up to us afterwards and he said, you know, I gave you that gift a few years ago,
Speaker 1 00:03:56 Go, and I felt
Speaker 0 00:03:59 Terrible what a bad person, because I had not valued this gift. And I, I felt Tara. And to this day, I still remember that story to this day because of, because of the heart that I just, I just cracked, uh, at that white elephant gift exchange, that statue should have remained in a special part of our house because it came from one of our teenagers. It came from his heart. And over time, we ended up taking that little statue for granted, and we forgot how valuable
Speaker 1 00:04:29 It actually was. Command seven in the 10 commandments.
Speaker 0 00:04:35 It's about an extremely special
Speaker 1 00:04:37 Gift from God and where he intends for us to keep it and to value it. Do you know what the seventh command is?
Speaker 0 00:04:47 It's only five words. Well, it depends on what translation you read, but in Hebrew, it's only two words. Did you know that in our translation, it goes, thou shalt not commit adultery. Our, you shall not commit adultery in the Hebrew. It's literally
Speaker 1 00:05:01 No adultery.
Speaker 0 00:05:04 So you're thinking to yourself, well, this was an easy one. We can cover this in 30 seconds. I got to tell ya, this, this one, I've got like 50 pages of notes. So settle in because we are going to be here for a long time. Everybody at home just went, that's it for me, switch switches off. The fifth command is about honoring your parents. It's about the sanctity of the family setting. The six command is about honoring life. It's about the sanctity of life. And the
Speaker 1 00:05:32 Seventh command is about marriage. And it's about honoring this marriage relationship.
Speaker 0 00:05:39 Now, primarily this was given to the Israelites because they were building a society and you cannot build a society. If it's built on a lot of people that are messing around with other people's relationships. Yeah. That's why, by the way, that's why no murder comes right before this. Because if somebody is messing around with your, do, your first reaction is maybe I got to go back to the sixth command, no murder. Right? So for the idea that we're building a society, this is really important for us to understand when marriage relationships occur, they are monogamous individual intimate relationships between two people. Don't bother them. Now the secondary aspect of this command is simply this. It's talking about the pain that's brought into a society. If this one is misused, a society will hurt, not just that family, but the ripple effects of breaking this command hurt a lot of different people.
Speaker 0 00:06:37 If you've been affected by this, you know exactly what I'm talking about, the ripple effects of committing adultery, doesn't just affect the people that are involved in the adulterous affair. It affects so many more people. Have you got to the point where you're trying to decide, how do I speak to my ex because of this? Or how do I speak to my children about my XR? What party should I attend? Which side are we going to go with? The one who was cheated on there, the one who wasn't cheated on it and your whole, the ripple effects are just huge. When adulterous affairs occur, society is inundated with problems. Three quick observations. Before we go on number one, there is no obligation to get married that great. If you are a, a single person, there's no obligation for you to be married. If you're a, if you're a divorced person, there's no obligation for you to be married again in the 10 commandments.
Speaker 0 00:07:28 There's no obligation to be married. This is not talking about getting married. You'd think that would be important because we're looking to build a society. So God should say, everybody get married. This is a natural thing that's going to happen. And so God does not command in this commandment to get married in order to bolster this burgeoning society. The second thing I noticed here is that God makes no qualms about telling us how to use our bodies. Do you notice that God, doesn't say, now this one's going to hurt. So I just want to tell you is settled, settle down and everything. And I know it's your body. And I know you think it's all yours, but here's what, here's how I want you to use it. Don't commit adultery, no qualms about telling us how to use these bodies. That's interesting. The third interesting thing I saw is that the subject of sex is only approached here in God's top 10 list.
Speaker 0 00:08:23 The only subject that touches on the area of sexual relationships is number seven, right here. No adultery. There's no other commandment that talks about a sexual relationship. This is it. So my question to you is when you say sex is pretty important in our society, I would think so. I mean, it's everywhere. Isn't it everywhere with you? I mean, can you buy a car without a sexual person or a sexual something or other can you can, can you turn on your computer without having some sexual image? Come on the side. Can you, I mean, it's, can you turn on TV without sex being in front of you at one
Speaker 1 00:08:58 Time or another it's it's, it's
Speaker 0 00:09:00 Just inundated in our society. It permeates our culture. Men think about sex. 70%. Think about it. Every single day, 43% of men think about it at least twice or more a day women, you may be shocked. 34%. Think about it. Every single day, 13%, several times a
Speaker 1 00:09:21 Day. Everything
Speaker 0 00:09:23 In our lives is infiltrated with this, the sexual tension
Speaker 1 00:09:29 In one way or another. And our
Speaker 0 00:09:31 World today has grown to the point where we are teaching our children. Their identity is found in their sexual
Speaker 1 00:09:39 Preference. You don't think this is a problem. This is a big problem because
Speaker 0 00:09:45 Nowhere in scripture, is it ever taught that our identity is found in any place other than Jesus Christ. He is the center of our lives, but we live in a world that puts sex at the center of, of, of their lives. And because it's there, they are even teaching our children as young as kindergarten that their identity is found in whatever their sexual preferences. And we have a generation growing up, that's buying it hook, line, and sinker. It is a lie from the devil. If your life is built on your sexual preference,
Speaker 1 00:10:16 Then you have an empty life. I know that's rough to hear. And that's so counter-cultural, and
Speaker 0 00:10:26 I may even get into trouble for talking like this in a few years,
Speaker 1 00:10:31 But there's nowhere in scripture that talks about sex in the light that our world does in the top
Speaker 0 00:10:40 10 commandments that God gives sexist, only addressed in the area of marriage and how we destroy marriages through adultery. That's how important it is to God.
Speaker 1 00:10:51 All right, now there is hope. Uh,
Speaker 0 00:11:00 Hang on a second. I I've, I've skipped, I've skipped down a little bit. Um, today our world tries to convince us of all of these lies. If the subject of sex is so essential to our humanity, why doesn't God address it in his top 10 list? The only place he addresses it is here in number seven. So here's what that means. If you are unmarried, sex is outside of your realm of experiences.
Speaker 1 00:11:27 And if you get married, sex is within your realm of experiences.
Speaker 0 00:11:33 I know that's a very basic chart to see, but this is the way that God intends for our sexual relationships to occur.
Speaker 1 00:11:43 Now,
Speaker 0 00:11:43 The question you might ask at this point is, well, Craig, isn't God such a prude for teaching sex. Like nobody teaches sex like this anymore. Everybody teaches it differently. I mean, that's kind of old fashioned old fashioned or not. If you're wondering why our world has got to where it is today, this is the reason. And the challenge is church. We have bought into it and we need a refresher on where, where God puts the subject of sex. Before we get to that, because this command is not about sex, primarily it's about marriage. Let's talk about marriage. All right. I want to give you a theology of marriage for all of you that have not attended my premarital counseling classes. Uh, this, this is a wonderful, a wonderful class that I teach that you are more than welcome to, uh, to attend. But a lot of this stuff is right out of there.
Speaker 0 00:12:34 First of all, God is the first wedding planner. Did you know that God put the first wedding together? Uh, you can read about it in Genesis two in verse 20, it starts this way. The man gave names, stall livestock into the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam, there was not any helper found, suited for him. So what's happening here. Hang on. And before you move it, what is happening here is he's named all the animals of the field. He seen the, you know, the elephants and the giraffes and the aardvarks and he's named them all. And then he looks around and he goes, Hmm. It's like, God gave him an hands-on illustration. Because at the end of that whole process, he thinks to himself, there's nothing for me. There's two of everything or more of everything, but there's only one of me, nothing matches me.
Speaker 0 00:13:22 Nothing looks like me. I am alone. So he goes on verse 21. So the Lord, God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man. And while he slept, he took one of the ribs and closed up the place with flesh and the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made the woman for, he had taken her and then he took her to the man. God is the wedding planner. Uh, th this is also interesting because Eve was not made from nothing. Eve was made from Adam. Adam recognized when Eve was brought to him, that she was meant for him. He didn't need a hidden, he didn't need a counseling class. He looked at her and he said, Hey, listen. She looks like me. I look like her. There's some different pieces, but we must be for each other. And so verse 23, he says, it's very poetic statement.
Speaker 0 00:14:18 Then the man said, this is the last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Iisha, which is the hero should be, she shall be called woman for, she was taken out of the East or she was taken out of the man Eve. The female was meant for Adam, the male. That's how God intended it to me. God is the wedding planner. God is the great theologian of weddings, Eve, the female intended for Adam, the male, and then verse 24, God instructs us as to how marriages should work. Therefore, a man shall leave his and mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife and the woman were both naked and were not ashamed. I was wondering why that last verse was in there, but it's in there be it for a very important reason.
Speaker 0 00:15:07 God performs their first wedding ceremony. And this is by the way, if you're wondering, if you think of yourself, why do fathers walk their daughters down the aisle? This is why the first wedding ceremony, God laid out the format for us. God brings Eve to Adam, puts his hand, her hand in his and says, I made this and I'm giving it to you. And at the marriage ceremony men, when you receive that gift from that father, you are receiving something that's special to that. Dad, I've got four and I have to give them all away and it's going to be a blubbering mess. When I have to do that, especially if I have to put that day tea, little hand, that I have kissed a million times and stick it in the hand of some moron, it's going to be a bad day. So I'm praying for those husbands already, because I know on that day, I've got to do what God did.
Speaker 0 00:16:03 I've got to give this little girl away. And then my job is to teach my kids. Leave, get out of here. I'm not your authority anymore. You are, you are together. Now leave. And parents, if you don't let your kids leave, you're creating a problem for them in their marriage. Leave. As a first thing, the kids have to go parents, you have to let them go. Cleave is a second thing. Cleave is awesome because cleave is like what you do when the arrows come at you, it's it's us against the world. So Cleve is like, you don't run back to your parents. You, you it's hard, but it bonds you together to go through the tough times. And so you cleave it's you guys versus everything. And the more you cleave, the more, the stronger your, your marriage will be. I say, in my premarital closet, counseling classes, I say, Oh, over time you, you stick together so much.
Speaker 0 00:16:53 You actually begin to look like each other. When you get older, have you noticed that this it's scary? It's weird. I hope, I hope I look more like Beth and Beth looks like big. You know what I'm saying? So, yeah, I heard that Michael. Hey right back at ya. All right. So then the last one is leave cleave. And one flesh. This is primarily the sexual act. One flesh meets two people come together where you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. It is a beautiful, Holy moment. It is what God intends to happen between two married people that is essential for the relationship to grow and to expand and, and to, uh, and, and to strengthen, uh, join somebody's joints, two people into one emotionally, physically, spiritually. It joins them in any way. And that's why we have the last first in Genesis two, they were naked and they felt no shame. You know what? That means. They were so much on the same page. There was nothing to hide.
Speaker 2 00:17:53 This relationship
Speaker 0 00:17:54 We have with our spouse is meant to be one that almost mirrors the Trinity in heaven, where God, the father, God, the son and God, the Holy spirit are three in one. Your marriage is meant to be where two are made. One. It's the closest we can get to the truth.
Speaker 2 00:18:09 And there's something spiritually that occurs in the process.
Speaker 0 00:18:13 Leave one flesh as the beginning of a new relationship. And it's meant to be shared with no one
Speaker 2 00:18:19 Else
Speaker 0 00:18:22 Honoring the marriages of those around you. As our acknowledgement of God, putting two people together. Do you know why I'm supposed to honor? Marriage is because I honor the God who brought two people together. My wife grew up in West Virginia. I grew up in Nova Scotia. Can you imagine the threads that had to come together in order for us to get together? I mean, you can look at that and say, the universe gave you a gift, Craig. And I would, I would, I would agree that I got a gift, but it wasn't from the universe. It was because God did amazing things in my life to bring me to the place where I would meet this girl. And this girl had to go through a bunch of turmoil so that she could get to me. And then God brought us together and we became one, God is a greatest wedding
Speaker 2 00:19:05 Planner. And that's
Speaker 0 00:19:08 Why marriages around me are meant to be honored by me. I respect what God does in the lives of other people to bring them together. They are meant for each other. I am not meant for them. They are not meant for me. When I look at a marriage, I sit in awe of the way that God has moved to bring two people together and make them
Speaker 2 00:19:26 One.
Speaker 0 00:19:29 This was asked about this and here's his answer in Matthew chapter 19, he goes right back to Genesis chapter two, he answered, have you not read the two that he who created them from the beginning made the male and female. Why are they male, male and female. Because of marriage, males are meant to marry. Females. Females are meant to marry males. I know this goes against the culture, but I can't change scripture. I'd rather offend the world and offend God.
Speaker 2 00:20:00 So
Speaker 0 00:20:00 God made the male and female. When he, Jesus has asked about weddings. When he's asked about marriage, Jesus says, this is why males are created. And this is why females are created for marriage.
Speaker 2 00:20:12 Shh.
Speaker 0 00:20:15 If you asked me about homosexual marriage, I'll just say, I'm not allowed to have an opinion on that. God has the opinion. And my job is to just go with what God has. My response should be. Haven't you read from the beginning? God made them male and female. I'll just say what Jesus.
Speaker 2 00:20:30 Yes.
Speaker 0 00:20:33 Therefore, a man shall leave. His father and mother is sound familiar and hold fast to his wife. The two shall become one flesh. He goes right back to Genesis. So they are no longer two but one flesh, but he adds this wherefore. Sit with me church. What'd ya? What God has joined together. Let not man, separate church who puts two people together in their marriage. It's right there. It's on your screen. God brings two people together in marriage and church who breaks marriages apart, man does it's right there on the screen while it was a few seconds ago.
Speaker 0 00:21:14 This is why we respect marriage because it is an awesome activity of God to bring two people together and create one. We honor marriage because of God's part in it. Whether you know, God or not, God in his Providence has brought you together. If you're a married. Now this has God's wedding gift. And as a gift that you would give it a wedding, which is, which is what we do. When we go to a wedding, right? We get the toaster. We put it on the back table and pray to God that nobody else got the toaster. God gives you a wedding gift. Did you know that your wedding gift on your wedding day is that you get to have a physical sexual relationship for the first time in your life? Sexual passion is God's gift to you. You have a desire for the other person.
Speaker 0 00:22:12 Good. You should explore. Love it. Live it. This is God's blessing to you. Both. This is God's present his wedding gift to your, both this, this union that you have with your spouse is supposed to join you together stronger than any other thing in your life. Have you ever wondered why so many people, even us in this room struggle with our passion that we have in our sexual lives ever wonder why it's so hard to control that the answer is very easy. Satan, twists, whatever God makes good. That's his goal, right? So, so the two were naked and they felt no shame, Melissa. That's great. You know, that's, let's see. Now after Genesis three, sin comes in and nakedness becomes a very hard thing for us to control for us to, to, to deal with. If Satan steals everything that God has made and twisted into something evil, wouldn't you expect him to do it with God's greatest gift to a marriage. Wouldn't he take the most wonderful gift, the present that God wraps and puts in the back table so that when you are joined together, you get to open and enjoy together. Wouldn't wouldn't you expect Satan to take that wonderful gift and twist it.
Speaker 0 00:23:28 The list of sexual sins around us seems endless Bartlett campus just did a sex trafficking, uh, night where they, uh, called rehabs children. If you want to check it out online, that's wonderful ministry. We're seeing a lot of crackdowns on pedophilia these days, and I don't know what the FBI is doing, but hats off to you guys, keep it up. We need to get ahold of this one. There's so many people that have been damaged by sexual crimes. There's a thing of it. Sexual sins are, are huge. And, and th th the results of those are the consequences. The list is endless. You've got AIDS, adultery, rape, incest, pornography, all of these things. I mean, you could make this list long. These are all sexual sins. Why? Because St will take what is given to people. The greatest gift that God has given them to bind them together the greatest way and twist it. So then instead of building a marriage that tears down a marriage, it tears down society. Instead of building society up, all of these take the power of the sexual activity meant to bind a marriage together and twist it, uses it in ways that's not supposed to be used. Michael always says like a fueling pastor at Bartlett campus always says, the three greatest starts in the world are daddy hurts. Church hurts and sex hurts.
Speaker 0 00:24:49 I may have used this one to hurt you in some great way, or may have used this one to hurt others around you. And listen, you're not alone. You're not alone. That list is long too. But I want to tell you, I want to give you a little bit of hope before we go on any further. The gospel is about God taking broken things and making them stronger than they were before. God doesn't work with the strongest vessels. In fact, he likes to work with the weakest ones because when he works with the weakest ones, he can make them really, really strong. And they can be stronger than the strongest ones, because they've got God's power inundated and working through them.
Speaker 0 00:25:26 There's no greater grace in God's grace, and there's no sin deeper than God's grace. I've worked with people who have had their relationship effected by adultery. I've seen them forgive one another, and I've seen those marriages grow stronger than ever before. It's hard. It's a lot of work, but I want to tell you it's possible. The gospel is about making victors, not victims. And if you've been hurt by this one, you are not alone. And I want to encourage you. You have, you have people around you, especially in this church that would love to walk the journey with you and help you through it. But there's no hole too deep that God can take you out of it. There are far too many people being damaged by the abuse of this gift that God has given to us. And that's all due to Satan's twisting, but church, we need to speak of this in high terms, we need to keep speaking of this. I know we risk the, we risk the idea. We, we risked the damage in people's lives by, by almost tearing off a scar that they've tried to forget about. And they've tried to apply SAB to, and they're praying it goes away. And I know there's people like that watching online. I know there's probably people like that, even in this room, but I want to tell you, if we stopped talking about the honor that's in marriage and the, that sex has in our world, only in the marriage context, we will
Speaker 1 00:26:47 Keep losing generations. And so we have to risk telling the truth, even though it might hurt the gospel,
Speaker 0 00:26:56 Your salvation in sexual sin, if you've messed up, listen, I know there are people even listening right now that have probably messed up
Speaker 1 00:27:04 Things in your lives. You are not beyond God's grace. God loves to do amazing things with damaged individuals. And if you feel damaged by this, please, you can come
Speaker 0 00:27:18 Contact me. You can, you can contact a friend in this church. We've got elders that are ready to walk the journey with you. And I know I'm beating this dead horse, but I just want this to be very, very clear. I know
Speaker 1 00:27:31 There are people that have been hurt by this. And I want you to know you're not alone. You are not alone. Not only is God with you, but we are too. And your past does not have to rule your future. The gospel is about creating victors and we want to help you understand you are more than a Victor through him who loved you. If Satan can convince us that sex is too taboo or too painful to discuss in the context of God's wonderful marriage gift, we are going to continue to lose this battle. And so church, we have to talk about this here, our children.
Speaker 0 00:28:08 We need to see parents with strong commitments to their marriages and be committed sexually to one another because of their relationship to the Lord. And God speaks about it everywhere. Did you know that it is constantly talked about in scripture? Here's one in Proverbs five, listen to how God writes us. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth. A lovely dear, dear, you are a love lovely deer, a graceful DOE. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight, be intoxicated, always in her love. Listen, if you think that's X-rated, you should read the Bible because it's all over the place. God talks about sex. Not like it's taboo, but because it's his gift. It's what he has given to you for your wedding day. And he wants you to
Speaker 1 00:28:52 Enjoy it. Your children deserve to see you
Speaker 0 00:28:57 Enjoying your spouse, not you know, some behind closed doors, but they need to see you passionately
Speaker 1 00:29:04 In love with your spouse. And guys,
Speaker 0 00:29:08 I want to tell you one thing that I say, I say, consistently, your children deserve to see you look at their, their, their, their mother, your wife in the eyes and, and, and say, I love you
Speaker 1 00:29:20 Passionately. And, and
Speaker 0 00:29:23 Then you need to turn your children and say, I will never leave
Speaker 1 00:29:25 If your mother ever start talking like that to your kids and see what God does become
Speaker 0 00:29:33 Passionate about your relationship to your spouse
Speaker 1 00:29:37 In front of your children. Use
Speaker 0 00:29:39 Words of commitment in of your children. And you watch what God does in your home. We need to start honoring marriage by honoring sex. And we need to start honoring sex by honor,
Speaker 2 00:29:50 During marriage,
Speaker 0 00:29:54 Did you know that God even commands us to engage in this relationship? In first Corinthians seven verse four, he says, don't deprive one another, except by an agreement, but only for a limited time that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come again together. So that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self control. Did it, do you know what he's talking about there? He's talking about the sexual relationship. In other words, what he's saying is you're supposed to be doing this, go do it. And if you don't, if you can't do it, make sure that you agree not to do it, but only for a little time, devote yourselves to prayer, go with it, go with a fast kind of idea. And then when you come together, you're in agreement over this time. Oh, there's so much to say on this. I got to skip over a little bit.
Speaker 2 00:30:43 Um, yeah. I got to tell you this.
Speaker 0 00:30:47 What is the first thing you do when you have a fight? What do you withhold from the other person? When you have a fight, of course you do, right? You withhold sex from the other person when you have a fight, because you are not one, you are in disagreement, you don't like the other person. And so what you do is you take away the greatest gift to make you one and you pull it out. Do you know why? Because that's what Satan loves to do, loves to twist and, and tear apart. What makes you one? But when you make up, it's wonderful again, right? Yeah. It's a natural. I don't even need to explain this to you because we all know this intuitively this sexual relationship within the marriage context is meant to make the marriage
Speaker 2 00:31:29 Wrong. Every time
Speaker 0 00:31:33 It becomes the intimate loudspeaker of our relationship
Speaker 2 00:31:37 In marriage. That's a good,
Speaker 0 00:31:40 If you want to write that down, that's actually a good one. Tweet that out sex is the intimate loudspeaker of our relationship
Speaker 2 00:31:49 In the marriage.
Speaker 0 00:31:52 In fact, let me take one more step before we leave this one. I would say it's an act of worship.
Speaker 2 00:31:58 I believe that
Speaker 0 00:31:59 I would say it's an act of worship. Why? Because where did this gift come from?
Speaker 2 00:32:03 Oh God.
Speaker 0 00:32:06 And what does God say is worship. Worship is when we obey God, it is your spiritual act of worship obedience. If you love me, you will keep my commandments. If God gave us a gift, tells us to use the gift and we use the gift. That is an act brothers and sisters of worship. I did this message once. And one of my elders at the end of the service came to me afterwards and said, I know we were planning on going out to eat today with another couple, but my wife and I are going to go home and worship now. So there you go. You are playing with a gift that God has given to you, and you should not be embarrassing. And kids that are listening should not be embarrassed about this either. Listen, they hear all the wrong ways. It's about time. We've started teaching them the right
Speaker 2 00:32:59 Ways.
Speaker 0 00:33:01 Sex is not a detached source of entertainment. That happens to be sanctioned for married couples. It is the unique capstone of each relationship. God has given you your best wedding gift. It's like glue. It pulls two people together like nothing else. And by the way, this is what brings us back to the seventh commandment because it tears apart relationships like nothing else.
Speaker 0 00:33:27 This is why God speaks openly about sex all the way through the Bible song of Solomon do. Now it starts, we don't get it. When we read our Bibles and song of Solomon verse one or chapter one, verse two, it says, let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth for your love is better than wine, right? So you read that. You're thinking yourself, that was very poetic. Let it flow. Do you know what it actually says in the Hebrew? First two words, kiss me exclamation point. That's how the whole book starts kissing me. We would translate it in Shakespeare and kiss me. You fool. You know, this is, this is your fool. Like if Mr T gives me your food to live outside of God's boundaries sexually is to proclaim what we think of God's institution of marriage. And this is where we run into problems.
Speaker 0 00:34:07 Satan will convince us sexist something that it is not. So let me clear this up. First of all, by saying, sex is not a need. Sex is not a need. It's not something we need to do to survive. It's not something you need to do. The world will teach you that it is a need. And because it's a need, it's a right. And because it's a need and it's a right. Sex is all about me. Can I just help you with this? God gave this gift to both of you. And if it's an act of worship to use this gift, just like everything else that God gives us primarily, this gift is meant to be used to bless others. And so our relationship with our spouse is meant to be used to bless the other person.
Speaker 0 00:34:55 It's not a gift. I mean, it's a gift. It's not a needs. Depravity begins by adopting this lie. That sex is for me. And Jesus begins his conversation on the sexual nature in Matthew five and verse 27. God says, you've heard that it was said, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Have you noticed that he's taken the seventh commandment? He started there and he's trying to flesh it out for us. So we understand what he's saying. Verse 29, if your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away.
Speaker 2 00:35:28 Boy,
Speaker 0 00:35:30 For it is better that you lose one of the members of your body, that then your whole body be thrown into hell. Do you know what this talking about here? This is talking about people who believe that sexism
Speaker 1 00:35:41 Need or a right or it's for them.
Speaker 0 00:35:46 Jesus says you cannot take it out of the marriage context
Speaker 1 00:35:50 On a scale
Speaker 0 00:35:50 One to 10. According to that verse, how, how important is this to Jesus?
Speaker 1 00:35:55 I'd say it was number one adult.
Speaker 0 00:35:58 He takes place. According to this verse, where does adultery take place? You can throw that verse up there one more time. Where does adultery
Speaker 1 00:36:05 Place in your heart? So the next question I have churches. Who's not an adult or in here, no hands, right? That's the point. We all abuse this gift. We all let our hearts wander. We're all guilty of adultery. Adultery.
Speaker 0 00:36:33 If adultery is simply the less that I have in my heart, I am an adult.
Speaker 1 00:36:37 Sure. Most people in here are.
Speaker 0 00:36:44 I would say that we need to protect ourselves from adultery. By first protecting our hearts. We guard our hearts continually again,
Speaker 1 00:36:52 Sexual
Speaker 0 00:36:55 The sexual sins that are all around us and our sexual imaginations job. 31, one. This is one of my favorite verses job says I've made a covenant with my eyes. How should I gaze at a Virgin?
Speaker 1 00:37:08 The war
Speaker 0 00:37:08 That is waging against marriages. Everywhere starts in the mind. It starts with these eyes. It starts with this heart,
Speaker 1 00:37:15 Right?
Speaker 0 00:37:18 It's a dangerous situation because it is, we are inundated with the lies of the world, the lies of Satan that tells us it's a need. It's a right. And it's for you. And God says, that's absolutely wrong. It's not a need. It's not a right. And it's for the person.
Speaker 1 00:37:35 You see the difference, but we have bought into this and it is such devastation.
Speaker 0 00:37:43 Why do we fight for our marriage? What is at stake? The reputation of God is at stake. The joy of righteous living is at stake. A sleepless night over and over again. My mind is at stake. The health of my marriage present and future is at stake or Craig, I'm not married yet. Yeah, you might be. You better protect this and protect this by making covenant with these,
Speaker 1 00:38:07 The legacy you pass on to your children's is at stake. I've seen the devastation right by people who,
Speaker 0 00:38:13 Who do not fight for their marriage and allow their hearts to wander.
Speaker 1 00:38:19 Listen,
Speaker 0 00:38:19 No one is left undamaged in the sexual way.
Speaker 1 00:38:26 And everybody knows that. All right. So what number one value marriage period, whether you're married or not, whether you hope to be married, whether you've been married and you're not. Now, it doesn't matter. Value marriage period. Don't say,
Speaker 0 00:38:54 Well, your sexual nature on some cheap tryst, that's going to come back and affect the marriage you're in or the marriage you're about to be in or the marriage you never have, but ruins your heart and ruins your mind and ruins your ability.
Speaker 1 00:39:08 Serve God, honor marriage by honoring sex. If
Speaker 0 00:39:13 You honor marriage, you don't commit adultery. Bottom line.
Speaker 1 00:39:17 We honor marriage by protecting our own sexuality
Speaker 0 00:39:20 And protecting the sexuality of others around
Speaker 1 00:39:22 Us.
Speaker 0 00:39:25 Can I value marriage? Like I should? What if I'm married? What if I'm divorced? Whether if I'm waiting to be married, what if I'm going to be single for the rest of my life? You can still still live out. Commandment number seven. Bye.
Speaker 1 00:39:37 Valuing marriage by protecting marriages around you,
Speaker 0 00:39:43 Grip on your thought life. Find accountability, avoid dangerous liaisons. Put up boundaries. The staff here will tell you. I've got boundaries that I put up. I don't, I don't drive alone with a woman in the car just because that's a boundary that I put up. Do I not trust myself? Probably not. Do I not trust the other person? I don't know. I just know if I put the boundary up. I don't have to answer those questions.
Speaker 1 00:40:09 So you put up boundaries
Speaker 0 00:40:13 And a grip on your thought life. Avoid dangerous liaisons. Meet your spouse's needs. Have a conversation with your spouse. That's difficult to have. And simply start by saying, Hey, am I
Speaker 1 00:40:23 Your needs? Have a conversation, protect your marriage and then value your marriage.
Speaker 0 00:40:31 Value your marriage and value every marriage around you. That is your
Speaker 1 00:40:34 Act of worship. Number two. Okay.
Speaker 0 00:40:37 Don't even consider stealing God's wedding gift
Speaker 1 00:40:40 From somebody else don't even consider it
Speaker 0 00:40:44 Or the marriages of others. This is one of my favorite verses in Hebrews 13, verse four, let the marriage let marriage be held in honor among what does, what does it say there? Church, let marriage be held in honor, among all. Let the marriage bed be undefiled for God will judge the sexually
Speaker 1 00:41:00 Immoral and adulterous. Doesn't that kind of Shen said a shimmer down your spine and shivered on your spine. Okay?
Speaker 0 00:41:09 Marriage is a Holy thing meant to be enjoyed by those in that marriage relationship and honored by everybody else around.
Speaker 1 00:41:17 Remember the journey there begins here. It begins in your mind. It begins in your heart. We steal the gift from others. When we allow our minds to wander or have impure thoughts, God made your spouse for you. Be prepared to protect that marriage. And it is that marriage that's meant just for you
Speaker 0 00:41:41 Will be the seventh command we've treat God's gift with great reverence. Here are 11 ways. I throw 11 ways down for how we can save guard against breaking the seventh commandment. Number one, am I too carefree in sharing common interests with this person? Ask yourself these questions, right? If you think to yourself, am I walking down a dangerous path? Ask yourself these questions. Take a picture if you'd like to, but these are good. There's 11 of them. Number one, am I being too carefree and sharing common interests with this person? Number two, and I come, am I comparing this person intimately with my mate? I don't care if you see him on the screen
Speaker 1 00:42:17 Or if you know them in person
Speaker 0 00:42:19 Comparing this person intimately with my mate. Number three, am I attempted to be dishonest with my mate, especially when
Speaker 1 00:42:26 It comes to this person. Number four,
Speaker 0 00:42:29 Am I looking forward to being with this person more than I should be?
Speaker 1 00:42:34 Number five,
Speaker 0 00:42:35 I'm looking, am I looking to this person to meet some emotional need? This is where it begins when you don't get your emotional needs met in the marriage. And you begin to look for those to be met elsewhere and all the counseling that I've done. This is the step that takes place almost first,
Speaker 1 00:42:49 Every time. Number 6:00 AM I flirting with this person?
Speaker 0 00:42:56 7:00 AM I entertaining? Inappropriate thoughts about this person? Number eight, am I talking about personal matters with this person? This is unlike when my mate will know about it. This is not like a counseling session where you may get agreed upon in your relationship to go to a counselor and find help. This is talk outside of an agreed upon context
Speaker 1 00:43:18 With your spouse. Number five,
Speaker 0 00:43:20 Number nine, am I in inventing reasons to get together with this person? Number 10, am I arranging secret meetings to see this person? Number 11, have I begun to touch this person in ways that I would not? If
Speaker 1 00:43:34 We're around good questions to ask and good boundaries to set
Speaker 0 00:43:43 And the 10th command or the seventh command is about stealing something. That's
Speaker 1 00:43:46 Not yours in actuality,
Speaker 0 00:43:49 Almost every command is about stealing something. That's not yours, right? Stealing God's name, stealing God's day, stealing your family's reputation. You don't honor your parents stealing somebody else's name, don't bear false witness, or they're stealing. They're all about stealing somebody's life with murder. This one is about stealing somebody
Speaker 1 00:44:09 Relationship
Speaker 0 00:44:12 And church. We need to be protecting this and stop messing around with it. And I know I'm passionate about this because this is hurting
Speaker 1 00:44:18 Me. I have known guys who have been in the ministry that have thrown away their ministry because
Speaker 0 00:44:26 They have, they have ended up having a relationship in church
Speaker 1 00:44:33 And there's so much damage. There's so much damage that occurs. Other people's marriages are hands off to me. And my marriage is hands off to others. That's the seventh command. Listen, if you think I can't control myself, Craig, I talked with a guy who committed adultery. He came to repentance. He was a mess. He's a mess. Loved this guy. He was a leader. He was a leader in his church, his leader, outside his church. He was a formidable individual. One day, he got involved with the relationship of a married woman. It was a situation that he, he didn't mean to happen. He didn't plan for Davin, but he let his mind wander. I sat with him afterwards after Kay said, how did this happen to you? He said, Craig, little by little. I began to let my heart go. I began to actually fantasize about what it would be like to be with this woman. She was in need. She was going through some terrible stuff on her own.
Speaker 1 00:45:58 And little by little, his heart led him astray. The act itself was only an outflow of what began long ago in his heart. And he only did it once. And the next day they found him at work, curled up in a ball, crying. Nobody knew what was going on and he wasn't about to tell them, but the guilt ate at his heart. He went home. He told his wife devastation just once so broken by that act of betrayal. He couldn't even function. I am so pleased to say that man is still a dear friend of mine. He came to repentance. He apologized to his wife. He told his children, he told his wife's family. He told his girl that he had this woman that he had an affair with, told her family, he confessed it. He confessed to his church. He went through all that confession, all of that pain, all of that devastation. Can you imagine the pain? And it just goes on and on one time and it just goes on and on. But because he went through all of that, I'm pleased to say this man has a stronger marriage relationship with his spouse than he's ever had in the past because God's gospel is about creating victors, not victims for this man. Repentance brought salvation for all of us. Relief can be found, released, can be found at the foot of the cross.
Speaker 1 00:47:31 So how do we deal with it? Which brings me to the third one. How do we deal with adulterous actions? And I would say deal with them like Jesus did. Do you remember when he,
Speaker 0 00:47:41 He was at the well and the woman came and she had been married seven times. Do you remember that? And the man that you're with right now, isn't even your husband. You know that story. Jesus laid it out for her in John chapter seven. How do you think she felt about all of this?
Speaker 1 00:47:55 She felt terrible. He knows
Speaker 0 00:47:58 Everything about, in fact, when she went to the village and told her that she had met a guy that told me everything that I was doing wrong in life,
Speaker 1 00:48:06 She broke the seventh command. There was another woman,
Speaker 0 00:48:11 Woman caught in adultery. You remember this one? This one was thrown at Jesus' feet and get the guys stood there. All of the religious leaders stood there with stones in their hands, ready to stone. Her why? Because her adultery broke the seventh command and it's going to destroy our society. No, because they were,
Speaker 1 00:48:24 We're just pious. They already condemned this woman to kill her through at Jesus' feet. They
Speaker 0 00:48:32 Wanted to trap him. So they said to him, because they knew the seventh commandment, they said to Jesus, what do you think
Speaker 1 00:48:38 We should do to him? Ha, we got Jesus now. Jesus, who loves everybody? He's going to have to stone this woman with us and what Jesus just wrote something on the ground. We're not told what he wrote on the ground, but with a woman in front of her, him on the ground, embarrassed and broken and her judges standing around, ready to kill her. Jesus stands up and says, whichever one of you is without sin, you start. And they all left because they're all, adulterers just like we are. They knew. And so do we, how do you deal with an adulterous situation? You deal with it like Jesus, did you offer forgiveness? Oh, it's so hard. Especially if you're the one that's been hurt. So hard.
Speaker 0 00:49:35 Your reaction to this message by the way, is to throw stones at somebody else.
Speaker 1 00:49:39 You've you you've been hearing a different message than I've been preaching it.
Speaker 0 00:49:46 If your first reaction is to stand with the people, with stones in their hands and ready to throw it at somebody that's hurt you. You have listened to the rock
Speaker 1 00:49:53 Gospel because that is not what Jesus does. Jesus wants us to admit who we are.
Speaker 0 00:50:00 That's why you looked at the woman. He said, listen, I know who you are. Why, what, where are your accusers? And she said, I don't see them. They're gone. And he said, neither do I accuse you, go and
Speaker 1 00:50:10 Sin, no more. Jesus
Speaker 0 00:50:13 Knows who we are. Let's stop pretending.
Speaker 1 00:50:16 You know who you are. I know who I am. Adulterers all. But the gospel is about relief and release and forgiveness.
Speaker 0 00:50:29 And so church, if you're sitting there at home where you're sitting here and you think to yourself now I've got some ammo to throw at somebody else because they've heard me. You've heard that
Speaker 2 00:50:37 Gospel.
Speaker 0 00:50:40 You need to forgive, recognizing that we all are in the same leaky boat of disaster.
Speaker 2 00:50:46 If we don't get
Speaker 0 00:50:47 A hold of this and a hold of this, if we don't find accountability in our lives, we are going down with it.
Speaker 2 00:50:56 Jesus
Speaker 0 00:50:57 Forgives and accepts all who come to him. And so should we. Now that does not mean you need to stay in abusive relationships. No, go get counsel, go find somebody who's godly person that can walk you through this. It does not mean that you need to stay in a relationship where you keep being abused, but it does mean you forgiveness needs to be held out like this. Not like
Speaker 2 00:51:17 This, because
Speaker 0 00:51:19 If you do this, you'll be amazed at what God can give you back. People in glass houses, shouldn't throw stones.
Speaker 2 00:51:29 So
Speaker 0 00:51:31 Find godly counsel, don't denigrate your marriage just because you've been hurt. And if you have been hurt in your marriage, it's time to talk about it and get some help because marriage is can be restored. I have seen it on more than that. One occasion than I shared with you. And the lie of the world is to say, that's the red line. You cannot cross it. And if you do, we're done, God can do amazing things. You came to him broken and he made you new. He can do the same thing with your relationship
Speaker 2 00:51:59 Chips in your marriages,
Speaker 0 00:52:02 But we need to give God his rightful credit for putting his spouse or putting the spouses that we have into our lives. Listen, start there. Start by admitting God brought your spouse to you. In fact, I have a little activity. All right. If you're sitting with your spouse today and some of you are in some of you aren't and maybe I'll talk to you later and ask you why that's the case. But if you're sitting, if you're sitting with your spouse today, or if you're at home and you're sitting with your spouse, here's what I want you to do. I want you to look at your spouse. Maybe you could text her if she's not here or text him. And I want you to look at them eyeball to eyeball and say, I recognize now that you are God's gift to me. All right, this is your chance. All right, baby, you are God's gift to me. I got the better end of that deal, by the way. Yes I did.
Speaker 0 00:52:50 That is a good place to start. Your kids need to hear it. Your kids need to know you're devoted to their mother. Your kids need to hear they're devoted to their father. This is where relationships start. This is why sex is not an issue in the 10 commandments. Adultery is because marriages are special to God. He is the wedding coordinator of all time. And he brought you together and you might be saying, Craig, I couldn't do that because the passion is just not there. You may say to me, Craig, I'm not in, I'm not in control of my passions. I can't control who I love. Oh, that is such a, I can't control who I love. Then you've got a problem
Speaker 1 00:53:28 With Jesus. Can I just tell you that?
Speaker 0 00:53:31 Because Jesus says a new command that I give you, that you love. One another.
Speaker 1 00:53:39 Jesus commands
Speaker 0 00:53:40 You to love or Craig, that's not
Speaker 1 00:53:42 An emotion, Doug.
Speaker 0 00:53:45 That's the point. If you believe the lie, that love is an emotion. You're going to have adulterous fairs all the time. You're led around by something. That's not this and it's not this it's something
Speaker 1 00:53:55 Else. And
Speaker 0 00:53:57 If you're led by that, you are controlled by your passions, your in trouble, your marriage is in trouble. Your family is
Speaker 1 00:54:05 Trouble. Let me tell you a believer would never say such a thing. Well, Craig, how can you say that? Well, I'm glad you asked fusions two verse one. You were dead in trespasses and sins. What does dead mean? What does that mean now? Not live dead. What did dead people do? Not a whole lot of anything.
Speaker 0 00:54:27 You were dead in trespasses and sins. You're dead in which you once walked following the course of this world, following the Prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is not working. The sons of disobedience, that Satan among whom we all once lived in the look of this church in the passions of our Wyatt passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind and were by nature, children of wrath, like the rest of my unkind. Everybody that doesn't know the Lord is pulled by something and it's passion. And that's why you live in a world that
Speaker 1 00:55:00 It says I can't control who I love, which is a lie. You have been saved by Jesus Christ.
Speaker 0 00:55:09 If you know Christ as your savior, you are not led by passion. You are controlled
Speaker 1 00:55:16 By the spirit of God. I'll give you a verse for that because you asked Galatians five 24,
Speaker 0 00:55:22 Those who belong to Christ, let's say it together. Church. Those who belong to Christ. Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions. And
Speaker 1 00:55:32 If you belong to Christ, you have crucified those passions. You have crucified. Those desires. You are led by the spirit of God. I can look at you and I can say, you're not allowed to love that person. Like you want to love that person. You need to love them as a brother or sister, but not like that. And the wrong answer is to say, I can't control my passions. Godkin Godkin. So I would say, if you, uh, if you're saying that somebody has sold you a big load of, uh, do-do, we need to clear up our minds on this and realize who we are because of Jesus Christ. With this commandment. God gives us a space to understand where this explosive topic of sex falls. He gives us a way to teach our children. He gives us a way to mirror image that image in front of our kids.
Speaker 1 00:56:22 We honor by honoring sex and we honor sex by honoring marriage. That's the point? Your sexual drive is not a mistake. It is God's gift to your marriage. Use it for the purpose that it was intended. Michael, I apologize for de-valuing the gift that you gave to our family and putting it in some rotten silly white elephant gift game. I know I've apologized to you before on that, that statue was your little heart giving us something that was special. And I devalued it. It's much easier to apologize for that than it is to apologize for devaluing God's gift of sex and misusing that we cannot take it for granted. We can not forget how valuable it is. The seventh command is taking something that is God's special, wonderful wedding gift and valuing it like it's meant to be valued. This is the way God intends for us to cherish his sexual gift. Let's pray, father, I'm grateful for the time that we were able to spend in this topic this morning. This is a challenge to so many of us, people that are watching online, people that are in house here.
Speaker 1 00:57:49 Ah, it's it's it. We live in a world that throws it at us in so many different ways. It is so accessible. It is so accessible. And yet father, you have given this gift, this sexual gift to us as a gift meant for marriage, a marriage that you constructed, you put together and a gift you want us to use in that context, help us father to be careful to make covenants with our eyes, to guard our hearts and to guard our minds through Christ. Jesus, give us the ability to, to talk like this, even, even in front of our children, because we are very conscious. They hear so many lies on this subject on a regular basis. Thank you that you've given us your truth and thank you. You're not embarrassed about it from beginning to end in scripture. Can you talk about it? Like it's such a natural, wonderful, beautiful thing. A thing meant to be meant to be used to drive two people together. Like nothing else can help us to help us to use that gift as you would want us to and help us to protect marriage, whether it's our own or others around us, recognizing they are your gifts to us.
Speaker 1 00:59:13 Change our hearts on this subject. I pray and let us not be twisted into believing the lies of the devil any longer in Jesus name. I pray. Amen.
